As I go throughout my day, I often times long for the late hours of the night to come around so I can become wrapped up in my quiet time. When I think about the few moments I will spend seeking His will and digging in His word, I mainly have one prayer...to be filled up. If all of my desires were summed up, that would explain it. After I have faced another day, I need more than anything for my precious Savior to pour into me the wisdom and understanding that comes only through His word. I pray that he will open my heart to be accepting and aware of what He has to offer me.
Even as I have prayed this prayer and felt this desire in my heart, I noticed the other night that I am completely missing a step. Before something can be full, it must first be empty. I know my God has wanted to fill me up each time I have asked. He is ready and waiting with all of His grace and peace, but he hasn't been able to fill me because I have not first asked him to empty me. His best has nowhere to go when I am already filled up with my fears, worries, and doubts. Those things hinder, and they must be gone in order for me to be consumed with all the LORD has to offer. After I realized I have been missing a part of the process, I also quickly came to the conclusion that emptiness is not an easy thing to accomplish. Emptiness goes hand in hand with brokenness, and more often than not, it hurts. Strength comes when I am no longer afraid of brokenness because wisdom tells me that I must first be broken before I am whole. Oh, how I wish to be whole, for my soul to be in sync with that of my Creator.
The point is, I have found that for so long I only saw the end result of being filled with the presence and knowledge of Jesus. Now I see joy in the empty and trying moments. Those are the moments that build. If I do not face a moment where everything I know about myself is laid out at the foot of the cross, I will never experience the satisfying and fulfilling moment that happens when I am overwhelmingly filled by my redeeming LORD.
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